Borderline personality disorder (bpd)
What is bpd (borderline personality disorder)
If you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), you probably feel like you’re on a rollercoaster—and not just because of your unstable emotions or relationships, but also the wavering sense of who you are. Your self-image, goals, and even your likes and dislikes may change frequently in ways that feel confusing and unclear. People with BPD tend to be extremely sensitive. Some describe it as like having an exposed nerve ending. Small things can trigger intense reactions. And once upset, you have trouble calming down. It’s easy to understand how this emotional volatility and inability to self-soothe leads to relationship turmoil and impulsive—even reckless—behavior.
When you’re in the throes of overwhelming emotions, you’re unable to think straight or stay grounded. You may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways that make you feel guilty or ashamed afterwards. It’s a painful cycle that can feel impossible to escape. But it’s not. There are effective BPD treatments and coping skills that can help you feel better and back in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
What are symptoms?
1. An intense fear of abandonment, frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
2. A pattern of unstable intense relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
3. Instability in identity and self-image, shifting goals and values, seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
4. Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
5. Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
6. Recurrent suicidal threats, behavior, or self-harm, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
7. Unstable and unpredictable emotions caused by extreme reactivity, wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame, or anxiety
8. Ongoing feelings of emptiness
9. Inappropriate, intense anger, or difficulty controlling anger such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fig
You have symptoms, what do you do?
If you are aware that you have any of the above symptoms, please speak to a mental health professional. If you are unable to do so for any reason, self-diagnosis is always an option, but please, PLEASE do your research. Here are some things to know:
1. It is very common for BPD to be misdiagnosed as another disorder such as bipolar disorder or anxiety. This is because many symptoms of BPD overlap with symptoms of other disorders and BPD often co-occurs with other disorders, and the symptoms of these disorders may overshadow the symptoms of BPD.
2. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding BPD and cluster b disorders in general. A lot of people believe that it is impossible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has BPD. Some psychiatrists and therapists will refuse to treat anyone with BPD. Like I said before, we are not monsters and we do not intentionally go around hurting others and ruining relationships.
3. BPD is a complex disorder and it shows itself in many different ways. Some people with BPD are quieter about it, while it's more noticeable in others. There is a type of BPD that many people call "quiet BPD," which means you feel all the emotions and experience all the symptoms of the disorder but rarely outwardly express or show it. Even in those who do outwardly express their symptoms, it can be difficult for their friends or family to notice since the symptoms of BPD will often only show themselves in very close, intimate relationships. About 90% of my friends and family have never witnessed me having an emotional outburst.
4. Many mental health professionals are hesitant-or outright refuse-to diagnose BPD in teenagers since most of the symptoms are very similar to normal teenager behavior and emotions such as mood swings, unstable relationships, and reckless/impulsive behavior. It is also difficult to diagnose in teenagers since it's a personality disorder and the very nature of teenagers is that their personality is still changing and developing. However, it is definitely possible for teens to have BPD and the symptoms can make functioning in daily life very difficult if left untreated. Children under the age of 13 can technically be diagnosed with BPD, but this is very rare.
5. A lot of the time when I explain to people what BPD is, they tell me that it just sounds like what most normal people experience. This is true, a lot of people do have some symptoms of BPD (like having mood swings and feeling empty), but for people with the disorder, these symptoms are not only more extreme but play a huge part in how we view ourselves and others. BPD can ruin relationships, sometimes the shame and self-loathing that comes from these ruined relationships cause me to sabotage the relationships I still have. 75% of people with BPD have attempted suicide at least once, and it is estimated that 1-3% of them succeed. It is not a fun disorder to live with.
6. If you suspect that someone you know has BPD, please let them know and encourage them to do research and/or get a professional diagnosis. Keep in mind that you can't force them to do anything, it's their choice whether they want to seek help or not.
7. PLEASE do not diagnose yourself based on just this carrd. Self-diagnosing is always valid if there is no other option but you should always do as much research as possible if you plan on diagnosing yourself with a personality disorder. It is so so important to understand that BPD has to heavily affect your relationships and self-image for years and years otherwise it's just normal personality traits or a different disorder like anxiety.
8. If you are thinking or fantasizing about hurting or killing yourself, please speak to a close friend or family member or call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., you can call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) at any time of day
What causes bpd?
The causes of BPD are not fully understood. However, BPD may be linked to:
1. Child abuse or neglect. Many people diagnosed with BPD grew up in a chaotic and unstable environment, were forced to endure abuse at a young age or were separated from a parent/caregiver early in life.
2. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited or strongly associated with other mental health disorders among family members.
3. Some research has shown changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity, and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.
What is splitting?
Splitting is a defense mechanism used by those with BPD that is done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness and abandonment. Splitting may cause a person with BPD to view people, things, events, or themselves in all or nothing terms. Splitting allows the person with BPD to ignore or discard things they see as all bad or embrace and idealize things they see as all good. Basically, they will view things as black and white, with no gray area.
For example, a person with BPD may see one person as evil, wicked, and cruel, but another as a flawless angel who can do no wrong. Their own failures and flaws can cause them to label themselves as a horrible, worthless person who can't do anything right. When things go wrong, they might begin to lose hope or think that all the work they've done was for nothing. These beliefs may never change but may shift back and forth from one moment to the next as those with BPD are sensitive to their environment and can change their mind about something very quickly. Because of splitting, people with BPD are often perceived as overly-dramatic by others.
Splitting may cause someone with BPD to act out irrationally and impulsively without considering the consequences of their actions, hurt others and ruin relationships, ignore facts, logic, and reality, project onto others, act passive-aggressively, or believe they are superior to others.
What is a favourite person?
People with BPD often have what is known as a favorite person: someone they idolize, want to spend all their time with, and usually see as flawless. A favorite person is different from a best friend because, with a best friend, there is not the same amount of attachment. A favorite person is different from a crush because, with a crush, you will always be romantically and/or sexually attracted to them, and there is usually not the same amount of attachment. A favorite person can be a best friend or a crush, but it is not the same as either of these things.
Someone with a favorite person will be very emotionally dependent on them. They will rely on their FP to feel secure and happy and will be terrified of this person abandoning them. A favorite person can be anyone, a friend, family member, partner, or even someone they just met, you do not get to choose your favorite person. Relationships with FPs can be healthy or extremely toxic. A person with BPD may get extremely jealous or even angry when their FP spends time with or compliments another person. They may mimic their FP, adopting their mannerisms, appearance, or opinions. They may become extremely upset and throw a tantrum when their FP leaves only to become happy again when they return. These all sound like traits of an incredibly unhealthy relationship, but forming a close and special bond with an FP isn't impossible if you make sure to give them space and set boundaries. Don't idealize them, setting unrealistic expectations to set them up for disappointment is never a good idea, although it can be difficult. If you worry they're going to leave you or they don't like you, have a conversation with them and communicate how you feel, it may just be a misunderstanding. They could be busy with something or someone else and that doesn't mean they hate you. Remember that they have their own life outside of you, and that's not a bad thing.
Being the favorite person of someone with BPD can be very stressful, and a lot of FPs aren't even aware of their status. If you find out you're someone's favorite person, understand that every little thing counts, and this can be good or bad. Let them know you love them every once in a while and if they need advice or reassurance try to provide them with it. If you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable in the relationship, it's ok to take breaks and take the time for self-care. Do not feel as if you have to stay in the relationship if it's toxic or unhealthy.
Where can I learn more?
I've put together a short list of articles that go into more detail about certain aspects of the disorder. BPD is a very complex disorder and not many people understand it, so I would really appreciate it if you took the time to educate yourself.